epcot pic 3Our trip to Disney was truly magical. The girls and I got to spend real time together. Our vacation allowed us to heal and bond as a family of 5 which is something we have not been able to do in a very long time. For that and for all of the people who helped make it happen, I am eternally grateful.  However, it also had it’s own bitter-sweet moments.

Unfortunately, my health declined as the week progressed. By Friday and Saturday I was so sick I had to hang back at our room. It was a hard reminder of my health situation. So the week became a power play between the forces of gratitude in my heart and reminders that this was a final vacation for the Ross family. My doctors urged me to take this trip “immediately” and reminded me that “this may be the healthiest you will ever be.”

The difficulties that I face all seemed to catch up to me late on the night before we went home. I sat up in our bed at the Disney resort and it felt like a bus had parked on my chest. Maybe it was a panic attack. I so desperately wanted to wake up and have my terminal diagnosis to have been a nightmare. It was like a strange drowning sensation. I wanted a lifeline. I wanted more hope than the doctors are giving me. I wanted a way out.

I called this blog Fierce Hope because it’s all about me fiercely fighting for my life. That is what I intend to do. Not because I’m braver than anyone else. Not because I’ve found some secret source of strength beyond my children. But because this is my reality, and I’m not in the business of avoiding the truth.

I am determined to do what it takes. This week will be about setting up whatever meetings I need to have. It will be about knocking on all the doors and kicking them down when needed. Despite what the doctors tell me, I simply refuse to believe that I can’t fight this.


With Fierce Hope,


little jim

7 Thoughts on “The Bus That Parked on my Chest

  1. Sarah Cargill on October 27, 2014 at 1:58 am said:

    Jim, My heart and prayers are with you. May you and yours be truly blessed with peace, strength and always increasing Fierce Hope. Love you.

  2. shelley on October 27, 2014 at 2:33 am said:

    You GOT this, Jim. xoxo

  3. I mentioned this to Amy on Facebook before but PLEASE look into Reliv and Lunasin. I can get you someone to talk to if you’d like. But it seriously could offer you the hope you seek. I’ve heard so many amazing stories.

  4. Stacie on October 27, 2014 at 3:25 am said:

    I am so glad you, Amy and the girls got to experience Disney and a needed family vacation. I believe in Fierce Hope and I know you will fight this cancer with all that you have. You got this.

  5. Tanya Seay on October 28, 2014 at 1:45 am said:

    We’re praying for you. Keep up the good fight. Hank wants me to tell u too look into THC oil or “phoenix tears” . Website: phoenix tears.ca

  6. nancy jones on October 28, 2014 at 7:07 pm said:

    Jim, My heart aches for you and your family. I am soo glad that you had this trip but I am also glad that you refuse to give up. You have many many people praying for you! And miracles happen, things that doctors can’t explain.That is my prayer for you :) Also praying for Amy. You are all in my thoughts, Nancy Jones

  7. Katie Keller on November 1, 2014 at 9:26 pm said:

    Continued prayers. You have so much strength and courage and an amazing support team, you keep on fighting!!

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